thoughts on the journey...

new blogsite

2010-10-25T11:41:00.001+01:00

have decided to go to word press for my blog instead of blogger, well I'm trying it out at least!

http://dotsters.wordpress.com/

feelings

2010-10-17T16:12:00.002+01:00

Feelings I have decided, need to be kept in check,
like a prisoner in chains,
a little give and take is fine
but no longer than it takes to say hello goodbye!

Feelings I have decided need to be kept under control
like a bowl being filled up with water
just enough to carry without spilling
and overflowing everywhere

Feelings I have decided are not good
but unfortunately my feelings do not like being kept
under control, or in chains
and so I need to deal with
the messiness and the hurt my feelings sometimes cause to others
but usually the messiness and hurt they cause in me... Feelings!

Vulnerability

2010-10-13T20:02:00.002+01:00

So today I was told "I gave permission to others to be vulnerable by my being vulnerable", at least that is my version of what he said!

I then asked someone else what he thought as he happened to be the next person I saw to speak to and although he didn't agree totally I think he understood and agreed in principle - I think!

But this vulnerability word keeps coming to my attention and so thought I would blog about it tonight as at home on my own - vulnerable!! I love my own company but since my eldest daughter moved out and my youngest has a boyfriend I am often on my own and actually don't like it all the time.

So how and where am I vulnerable, - always vulnerable at work as cuts can hit anyone of us at any point, vulnerable because I share who I am up to a point with students and colleagues. Vulnerable where I am on curacy because I am new, and don't know the politics and friendship groups, vulnerable because I don't know everything I am supposed to do yet, vulnerable when forming new friendships because I haven't allowed myself to form new friendships very much in the past few years, due to not liking the feeling when yet another person disappears! Not that many people have done in the past, but that feeling is crap... and so I put up a barrier!

However, I have found myself letting down that barrier just recently and now want to put it back up and hide behind it, but not sure if I can or how I can. I am 'super sensitive' to moods or lack of communication and I always think I read stuff into things that aren't there! I hate the politics of who I can speak to or who I shouldn't speak to in any situation but especially in a christian setting. I am quite an open person, but when I feel like this, I want to close myself off from everyone to avoid being hurt. And that is the problem, I don't want to get hurt again, get to a point where I go into depression again, or feel that the barrier will not go up again when I need it to!!

this is really not a good place!!

a new term

2010-09-29T10:35:00.003+01:00

Yesterday saw the first meeting of our new freshers on our Christian Youth Work Programme at the University of Chester. As always it was a joy and delight to meet them again as we always interview them due to it being a professional and vocational course. We even met in the chaplaincy tipi for one of the sessions, as it was there and free - that was also good as it was trying to encourage them to be out of the box in their thinking and attitude to youth work, but good because the tipi is awesome!!

Later in the afternoon I was the cantor at the evensong where three people were being installed as canons at the Cathedral in Chester. Two of them I knew and it was a real privilege to see them being recognised for their hard work in the diocese, on a lay canon and one an honorary canon. It was only my 2nd time of being cantor and when I saw the amount of people it was a little scary!!!. but it went fine and folk were pleased with how I had done, which was good to hear!

The big thing on my mind as we start a new academic year is change! Change is all around us, at home, work, church, the government. Change is one of the hardest things to cope with when you are not the one facilitating change, and usually I cope quite well with it, however when change is change because it suits one group of people who are 'in charge' and not the recipients of the change I think it is a different matter. This is what I am struggling with at the moment. People who do not understand the logistics and issues involved, but think because they are in some sort of power it automatically gives them insights are trying to impose changes that most if not all the recipients of this change will not actually want the changes nor will it benefit them!! Youth work in this county is changing because of people in power - when will politicians ever learn? Money talks, unfortunately!

How do we stand firm against the powers that be?

And for those who read this and think you know what I am talking about, be careful what you assume! You might be right, BUT you may well be wrong! Assuming things makes an ass out of you and me, and that is never a good thing is it?!

Sorry really does seem to be the hardest word!!

2010-07-28T07:12:00.005+01:00

having got up again far too early on a day when I didn't need to I thought I would catch up on some of my blog reading! The first one I read was Lesley's blog about apologies. This resonated with me as I am sometimes surprised at how people treat others and even when they are challenged about their behaviour/attitude/how they spoke to someone would never dream of saying sorry.

Some of this could be about their own insecurities, which comes across in arrogance and therefore couldn't possibly be wrong, some of it could be that they don't understand the 'healing' and reconciliation that an apology brings, because they have never experienced it. For others though, it does come from a deep seated arrogance that the individual is right, regardless of what is correct or loving.

I know some folk who can get upset when they have been hurt and they want an apology, but when it is them doing the hurting, it is seen as 'being needed to have been said', and they do that because it is their way....

The Gospels tell us to: Love God, love your neighbour/enemy/ as you love yourself. Do good to those that hurt you, forgive 70x7. As a follower of Christ, who frequently gets it wrong, I hope that I apologise when I get things wrong, when I do something that upsets or hurts someone else, that way I am trying to love my neighbour as myself as I would want that apology.

Let's stop this blame culture in the church, let's try to focus on God, bringing honour not dishonour, bringing peace not conflict.

Ordained!!

2010-07-14T11:54:00.004+01:00

well 4th July came and with it so much joy, blessings, friends and family and peace. The culmination of many years wondering if ordination was the right thing for me or not. Being me, nothing ever seems to be straight forward and the journey was a long one, but one in which I learnt so much about myself that I wouldn't really change much - just the odd thing!

And now? well having been ordained only a week, I can say I feel at peace about it all - good job really!! I'm loving being at Chester Cathedral and have had such a lovely welcome from so many people. My first sunday was tiring, so many people coming to talk to me and two services plus the choristers end of year buffet lunch and prize giving.

At the beginning of my 2nd week, Gen Synod agreed women bishops would go ahead, but the joy is tinged with sadness because of some 'traditionalist's who feel they haven't been listened too and that their theology has not been understood. I do feel that people have actively listened but their perspective is different from those who are not in favour of women being ordained, let alone become bishops.

when teaching my students one of the things I stress is that even though we are all different we are there because we want to love and serve God. Our experience and perspective will be very different but that is totally right as God has made us completely unique. What we need to do is challenge inequality and injustice, while still loving God with every ounce of our being and loving our neighbours and enemies as we love ourselves - just as Jesus did.

new era!

2010-04-25T17:26:00.002+01:00

having had my two daughters with me for all their lives, it seems to be the beginning of the end! My eldest daughter suddenly announced a few weeks ago she 'thought it was the best thing for her to move out of home and to move an hour away (min) to live with her fiance and another friend.

She then told me this afternoon they might be moving in as early as Friday - this has left me feeling quite upset, but she has to live her own life and make her own mistakes. But oh how hard it is to sit back and watch....

will be interesting to see how it feels for Nikki and I and how Katie copes and feels in a few weeks

work?

2010-04-24T12:14:00.002+01:00

having been away from work for 5 weeks, and due to go to the Dr's on monday am really not sure about what I want to happen! Originally the Dr had said he was going to give me 4 weeks off, but I nearly hit the roof when he said that!

I have had another osteopath appointment on thursday which was a good session as I could move better after it, but yesterday my back was quite painful as I was walking. Today it seems better again! My cold has now changed to sinusitis, which is painful but can cope better with sinusitis than back pain!

My mood? well having discovered that my income and expenditure are far too close for comfort in that there is no spare money for anything, am struggling again. I was feeling bad about going back to work and wondering why I bother - all the work, and so little to show for it! Always struggling to pay the bills and no 'cushion' to fall back on when something goes wrong.

I know God is there and I will 'testify' to that fact - but I just don't know where God is in it all today.... most of the time it doesn't matter, but sometimes it does and today it does!

pain and apathy

2010-04-09T12:12:00.003+01:00

so the back is still bad - painkillers and another trip to the osteopath are helping but signed off til Tuesday now even though on annual leave. I was supposed to be on Easter School for ordination training, but it would have been too much, so had to get a 'fit' note.

the problem with feeling the way I do is that there is a real sense of apathy, which I haven't had for many years and not sure how to get out of this!. Thinking of work doesn't fill me with much joy at the moment which is worrying as I normally love my work, but things are changing and I don't necessarily think they are for the better. This is what is worrying me, change is good, but not when people are being treated badly in the process.

Process is all well and good when it is followed properly - if it has to be followed! But when process happens but badly that is when there is a problem. Normally I want to fight against injustice as that is something that is one of my core values, but at the moment it is too hard to fight feeling the way I do! So I am hoping for some renewal in myself in the next three or four days!

why does it always happen in annual leave?

2010-03-25T20:10:00.002Z

So why is it that when you are on annual leave, illness or something else goes wrong? This week as I am trying to relax and spend some time with friends and doing stuff in the house, my back goes! So a trip to the osteopath and a few ice packs later it is easing, BUT still painful!

I am taking annual leave due to needing some space and time to relax and to stop my head whirling round and making some things too big to cope with. If that had happened it would be great, but things in work just carry on and decisions are made that make me quite angry due to injustice. I sometimes think that some people make decisions because of the power trip it gives them.

I hope I never forget to be compassionate rather than being focused on process and rules.

90th birthday celebrations and family

2010-03-21T20:30:00.002Z

what an interesting weekend we have just had! My Mum was 90 today and she had a lovely afternoon and evening yesterday with lots of her old friends plus all but 5 of her family being there, 57 of them! We also had lunch out today about 16 of us, all 5 of her daughters and a few of the grand children and great grand children.

I often think about our family and how different we are although there are some similarities! But it is fascinating how some physical features go across families and also some personality traits. Some good and some not as good! Control is a big thing in our family and my mum is the epitome of someone who likes to be in control even at 90! I wasn't really doing the whole let's pretend I am an extrovert this weekend as I really had no energy to pretend and so I didn't, which was quite liberating! It happens with the family as some think I am an extrovert because I can put on a mask and 'pretend', but then I need to go away and be on my own for quite a while to recharge my batteries!

I think it is amazing that my mum has reached 90 and hope she carries on living for quite a while yet!

prayers - Thanks be to God

2010-03-04T21:21:00.003Z

today I prayed.... nothing unusual in that really, but today the two 'big' prayers were answered positively in the same day!

One 'big' prayer was not that big really, but it was big for the person involved, and it has given me something to think about for the future.

The other was big and all I could really pray was that God would really intervene in the situation as I did not have the words really. I am not for one moment saying it was 'my' prayer that got answered because many many people have been praying.

The second situation has made me angry, frustrated, helpless, astonished and many other adjectives that perhaps aren't really repeatable or even said! When Christians treat other Christians in ways that are not showing the love of God to the other and don't seem to be aware of the responsibility they have to the other it does make me angry! I think it might make God angry also - especially when remembering Matt 25....

Another great thing that happened was that I got chatting to someone who had lost their job twice, but looks like it has all worked out for the best... God answering prayer again and giving me hope too!

Sunday evening in Liverpool

2010-03-01T20:37:00.004Z

on a walk with folk from Dream on Sunday evening looking for places where God was in the city, hope in dark places, places that needed healing.... it was quite awesome and fantastic to be back 'home' as that is what it felt like that - thanks!

Plan B

2010-02-28T14:36:00.003Z

we were looking at the beattitudes this morning and I got some inspiration from the book Plan B for the theme which was happiness! I was not very happy at the beginning as there were things going wrong that I had not picked up on during the putting together of the presentation. I was slightly stressed due to people only getting there just on time for the service to start, which meant I was still trying to finalise the last details as the service was due to start.

So at the beginning of a service on happiness I was stressed and unhappy! But giving it to God, meant I got through it and so many people said they got a lot from it, even those who knew what we doing.

I have also become even more aware this past week that negativity is not a good place to be working from and that I do not function in an atmosphere of negativity. This link from Dream reminded me of this issue and how much we need to be aware of our attitude to people. Plan B is a way to transform our lives and our understanding of what it means to be a Christ follower. I recommend Plan B and Dream to you all

Silence is golden especially if you can't say something positive!

2010-02-14T20:32:00.003Z

So it has been a long but good weekend - Silent retreat - but not really!! In the end there was a slight 'back down' from it being totally silent which was needed! The sessions were really good, music, image, talk about image, more music prayer and go off...the images were about Peter from the Sieger Koder Collection. The image that stuck out for me was this one as it was not simply the hands of Peter, but two right hands, possibly implying that one of them 'might 'be mine'. The hands are grasping the hand of Jesus with everything the person has, as they cannot save themselves. Jesus was there immediately - Peter started to drown, but he had to ask. Someone last Sunday evening asked why we have to pray when God already knows, and I replied that God likes to be asked. Just as I often know what my daughters want, it is still good for them to ask for the thing they want.

I have been feeling as if I am in a drowning situation recently, but have been asking God to come into the situation, and it feels like it has happened this weekend. I have a unique call, just as we all have, and it is my joy to answer that call and I do not want it to ever be a chore or a bore, but a totally unabandoned passionate joy. I know it will be hard work sometimes as it has been just recently, but this year my phrase is - 'not my will be yours' and it is that, which has been keeping me going albeit struggling!

Just catching up on tweets etc after church and came across this one, but I do not think it is simply what do our emails say about us, but all our communications. I think that in all our way of being with people it is not simply what we say but how we treat each other and if there is a contradiction in saying and doing then something is wrong. If we treat others well, but talk about them behind their back, something is awry and needs putting right

we don't have to live in our past!

2010-02-07T13:59:00.003Z

so Simon Peter - this morning two different but similar sermons - one for choral Eucharist and one for all age. The first one was good and for some it might have been challenging but it was the 2nd one that for me was the most interesting. We don't have to stay in our past, we don't have to believe what has been said about us - I would agree totally and there was at least one person I can think of who needs to take that on board and not me, although....!

quite a few people talked to me after the service (I was not preaching) and in the end had to creep into church as the 2nd one had started. Sitting at the back gives a totally different perspective - some people struggling with songs, some people not engaging... However, the actual talk as I said was quite pertinent not just for one person but quite a few... the question is will they have heard it? the question is can people believe that they are not who people have said they are or what has happened in the past

Interviews and evensong

2010-02-06T21:18:00.002Z

the day started at 3 am when I woke up with an extremely sore throat and a nose running for England! So I was to be found at 3:10 sitting in bed drinking a lemsip and playing trivial pursuit on my iphone!

At 8.30 I was in the office logging on the computer for a group who were in my department and then back home to pick my card up so I could buy food for our applicant day. Today we had two applicants and as always it is great to meet potential students and to listen to the stories as to why they want to come on the course. Today one young person was convinced we wouldn't want her and yet she was great - a young catholic woman from N Ireland who has worked with people from both 'sides' and other faiths! awesome!

I was then just about to drive out to go home and a colleague came by who was on his way to evensong so I went along with him. It was good to be there again and realise that in 5 months that is where I will be working albeit as an NSM. What a privilege and yet a scary prospect - but I do know that is what I am supposed to be doing, regardless of what someone else thinks.

being positive

2010-02-05T10:26:00.002Z

just looked at the last couple of posts and thought what a negative mood I am in - not me at all really. It is scary how negativity can be passed down or perhaps the amount of negativity is the issue.

I must try to find my sense of proportion and recogonise when other people cannot dictate my moods... not saying it will be easy, but am going to try to be more positive - will see how long it lasts!!

I was talking with my students yesterday about hope and the love that God has for each of us, but we need to recognise that love and be open to it in order to receive it. The question is how then do we encourage that openness and keep open rather than close up, discard and throw away like so many people do! I am enjoying today as have done surfing the net catching up with stuff I have been out of touch with alongside marking and all at home as it is my research day!

lots going on

2010-02-04T22:01:00.002Z

well I had a real nightmare last night - I feel like I didn't get much sleep at all. I am uncertain as to what to do for the future - as the nightmare is about a situation I am involved with at the moment.

I would like to speak to the person about the situation, but don't think they would listen at least that is from what I have seen in the past. However, if this situation carries on I am not sure how I will deal with the next 5 months.

So many people with so many issues at the moment and more things come up all the time and I need more headspace to deal with everything than I have at the moment. Because of work I haven't had a proper day off since Christmas as there has been too much going on, finishing my lit review and a chapter, teaching, placement set up meetings, halfway visits and some final placement visits and watching presentations, plus seeing students and chatting about other work stuff...Residentials, preaching and applicant days have also been there as well... applicant day sat, marking all day tomorrow...

the letter!

2010-01-28T20:25:00.002Z

After a week of being quite unsure about what I do next -I got a letter saying my curacy was agreed from the bishop.

What feelings went through my head and heart! Although I knew it had been agreed - getting the letter has really made it all quite official. But alongside that I need to remember there is still 5 months to go and for me and my friends on the course those 5 months are going to be the longest 5 months...so near and yet so far!

there is so much to be apprehensive about, so much to be excited about, so much time to ask God why me?, so much time to say thank you God for choosing me and accepting me for who I am...

so much time - and yet so little!

I want to get there, be learning new things, be meeting new people, not because I don't like the place I am now because I will miss the congregations but because it is a new phase...this is a time for waiting....

Negativity!

2010-01-22T09:29:00.002Z

how does someone become so negative that they cannot trust? If I knew that I might be able to deal with someone who is really negative and might be able to help others know how to deal with that person.

It has become a struggle to know how to relate to this person and actually I don't want to anymore because I am starting to have doubts about a lot of things because of this. I do not work well around negativity anyway as it drags people down and I think most people find this to be true.

As a person following Christ is it right to be so negative? is it right to always think 'I' am right? in my understanding it isn't right, as we should be always learning. any thoughts on how to work against negativity would be gratefully received!

Big year - this year

2010-01-03T18:43:00.004Z

so this last week 28th Dec - 2nd Jan I was helping to host a contemporary Labyrinth in Liverpool Cathedral. It was such a privilege to be there especially to be able to walk it for myself on the 1st day of the year. Reflection is not something I sit and do as I am an activist and so struggle with the sitting down thing, but I do reflect on the go! So using the labyrinth this week was a good bit of discipline for me and I hadn't switched the music on otherwise I would not have been able to focus.

This year is a big year for me as long as the next 6 months go ok and the Bishop thinks I ought to get ordained! This has been a long journey - at least 15 years but a much needed long journey as I would not have been ready 15 years ago - much too arrogant and judgmental!

this morning in church we were thinking about gifts and journeys - it being Epiphany! and I was encouraging people to think about the gifts they have and to work on them throughout the coming year. I believe we all have gifts and I believe that we can find new gifts throughout our lives and that we need to cultivate and develop them but for the glory of God and not ourselves.

so here is to the new year, to new challenges and to new ministry...

Awareness and graciousness

2009-10-24T23:04:00.002+01:00

This week something happened that made me incredibly angry and frustrated. I don't often get that angry but it was because of the way I think someone has been treated. The other reason I am frustrated is because of another person (involved in the situation) only seems concerned with self and not thinking wider than self, plus seems to be totally oblivious to institutional agendas. The person who I think has been treated badly was being extremely gracious while I was getting angrier and more frustrated. What does that say about me I wonder!

I also got frustrated because a friend who is a vicar had 'his' church broken into and then to add insult to injury was told that the church was not 'spiritual' enough by someone who doesn't really know the church and therefore does not know about the prayers and self sacrifice that is there!

We are all on a journey through life that will hopefully mean we are constantly learning and being transformed to be more Christ like. I think I need a lot more transformation!

good saying...

2009-04-26T15:43:00.004+01:00

instead of the 'normal' comforting the afflicted, how about we 'afflict the comfortable"! Something our retreat 'director' Ken Leech said this weekend...I liked this a lot!

I was also struck with two words that Ken said at the end of the last session! Stay and struggle, the words came from the verses that followed the readings for today. I have been 'struggling' with what I am supposed to be doing once ordained - which is a year away yet.... and thought I was supposed to stay where I am, working in the Uni certainly for the moment, and was wanting to know before a meeting this week... I felt very strongly that those two words were for me.... Struggling with where I am, struggling with my understanding of where and what I am called to do, but to stay and rest in what God will be helping me to do.

I was also struck with something someone else said about not liking rules..... I think I have slowly learnt to accept that it is important for others that rules are there and especially for being part of community - even though it is hard!!

tarn hows

2009-04-25T10:32:00.002+01:00

this is one of my most favourite places in the Lakes, as you can walk round the lake quite easily (even with bad backs!!) within an hour - an hour and half depending how slow you go! This is a photo I took a week ago on my last day of 'annual leave'. I just love it and wanted to share it with you!!

integration - instead of balance

2009-04-25T10:25:00.002+01:00

on a retreat at the moment with my year cohort of ordinands and something the retreat 'leader'/'director'/'speaker' said resonated with me and am now thinking about. He said he was looking for the balance between activism and contemplation and the person he was speaking to had said that it was not about balance but integration.(my words)

I worry too much about balance I think as I am always looking for the balance in my life, and never seem to manage a well balanced life! Perhaps I try to compartmentalise everything in my life and therefore never do get the balance. A bit of a paradox really especially as I talk about my life being integrated, and that our course is an integrated one in the way we teach, and the way I reflect theologically is integrated!! mmmm, need to think about this a bit more methinks!!

youth work

2009-02-26T20:56:00.002Z

having just read a really good 'article 'In defence of youth work' I felt quite strongly I wanted to write about youth work as Richard and I have been teaching it for the past few years.

Although our course is a Christian Youth Work course, our ethos is one that means core youth work values such as relationships, starting from where young people are, empowerment and participation while not forgetting that any relationship we have with young people is purely voluntary is at the heart of everything we do.

As a Christian youth work course our ethos is that we need to be 'loving God with every part of our being, and to love our neighbours as we love ourselves, and to live life with a recognition that Jesus came to bring life in all its abundance or fullness.

We do encourage our students to think outside their comfort zones as we all need to learn to hear from other perspectives as we don't always know best, much as many of us like to think we know best. Youth Work is about deep listening, to what is going on under the surface, it is about an awareness of self, in order that our needs are not being fulfilled by being needed. It is about being aware of our own agendas but empowering young people to determine their own future, having been given unbiased options. It is about an understanding of the issues young people face and not treating them too lightly, whatever they are - and it is also about respecting their feelings and thoughts. It is not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination - when we see mistakes about to happen, or them going along a path that we think is totally wrong for them - but if we are there for the young person, supporting them when we can and explaining when we can't, they will remember that if the going gets tough.

Young people are not simply half an adult or an adult in training with no valid thoughts or opinions, rather they are worth just as much as any adult regardless of who the adult is, what they do, or where they come from. Young people are fully human regardless of age, gender, height, weight, colour of eyes or hair, sexuality, race, faith or none, religion or none. They all need a person they can trust, a safe space to go when feeling confused, or fed up, or angry.... can they trust me? can they trust you?

participation and stuff

2009-02-08T17:25:00.003Z

so what do you understand by participation in church? Answers would be useful. but not expected!!

I was at a conference yesterday looking at participation in church, and am still reflecting on what it meant for me but also the wider church. The World Cafe methodology is certainly one I will use in the present and the future, and I had been in a couple of places before where it was used. I suppose I was hoping for some stuff I could use for my doctoral studies, but this did not happen, although it was good to be there and join in the discussions.

I was surprised at the 'feedback' this morning from church as I found it really hard to write something for around 5 minutes, but people were saying I was getting better and better!! I can't say I understand how, but as long as I try keeping on learning to actively listen to God, that is all I can do, as well as studying! I love reading the scripture and then letting it 'be' in my head all week until I come to write...

the other thing I am reflecting on at the moment is my doctoral studies. It is so hard to find the time and energy to do everything - and when I say energy I mean to not be so tired and therefore sleepy!! However it is a good thing to do and now I think I have the structure of my research days sorted out, it should be better - although it is a discipline I haven't tried yet as I haven't had a research day since talking about it!!

So tonight going over to St Marks Haydock to help with Dream! I will miss Dream when I finish, I recognised that almost immediately, and I also know why and it is the fact of meeting weekly (well nearly weekly) with a small group, talking about things that really matter in a safe place. Safe spaces are so important when talking about God and life...

my blog!!

2009-01-09T19:25:00.000Z

ISTP - The Mechanics
[ISTP]
The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.

so this is where I found it!

I am actually and INTJ with the myers brigg personality test, but thought this was quite funny!!

Christmas

2008-12-21T17:04:00.003Z

it is the 21st Dec and my eyes are feeling very heavy and sore, I have a lovely cough, sneezing well and no energy!! oh what joy!! No food shopping, not much present shopping done - but does it really matter?

I went to church this morning as I hadn't taken communion for a while (supposed to be taking it on thurs at family group but was poorly) and during the sermon my thoughts drifted off - as they do - and I found myself thinking about the actual birth of Jesus.... where was the birth - in a place that was outside the familial warmth, in a place bereft of cleanliness. Who did Jesus come to speak life to? those outside the 'family', those who didn't fit into the 'norms' of His society. He certainly didn't come to encourage us into eating too much over the 'festive' period and spend ourselves into debt.

Gifts and food although nice, are actually not the reason for celebrating at this time. Freedom from oppression, inclusion and acceptance into a life worth living...

oh and if anyone is wondering - I will do enough shopping both food and presents to let my loved ones know I do love them!!

tagged to write a creed

2008-12-03T13:23:00.002Z

so I was tagged by Gill to write a modern creed using less than 146

I believe in God who is Love,
his Son Jesus, radical, compassionate and not tied to boundaries
the wild and liberative Spirit who completes the Trinity.

I am going to pass on the tag to John D

journalling part 2

2008-11-02T14:28:00.002Z

yeah right - so much for journalling and trying to write 200 words a day!! I will have written 200 words per day, but NOT on the journal!!

Yesterday I went to Dream.... and I can see I am going to be in the right place for now... am going to Dream tonight in Liverpool and will be Dream(ing) for the next three months!

We were talking about a rule of life - or a rhythm of life - or a way of life and it was fascinating that what one person sees as freeing another sees as imprisoning (almost). The Language we use is really important in order to empower and not disempower....however I think that sometimes we need to try to enter into a dialogue to encourage people to see outside their boxes...

I try to encourage my students to think outside their experience - to try to take on board other perspectives!! in order that they don't become too arrogant

the question is... why!!

2008-10-22T20:19:00.003+01:00

On Monday I tried for 25 - 30 mins to try to ascertain whether or not the quotes for my flood damage had been agreed or not - so that the work could be started! I was told I would hear back from the loss adjusters by the end of the day....

today is wednesday and I decided that I would pop into the bank in my dinner hour to see of they could phone through to the loss adjuster - (I am insured through my bank/mortgage) well 20 mins passed and the person on the phone is still waiting to get through to someone I can speak to!! eventually I get to speak to someone, who then has to put me on hold - (save the last dance for me music!!!!!) while they put me through to someone else, who then also puts me on hold - (yes you have guessed it - same music!!!!!!) while he finds my file.

He then tells me that the person I spoke to on monday cannot have possibly known the information he was giving me as the quotes had only been put on the system yesterday - so I explained that he had known it as he was telling me who the quotes had been from... He then said he couldn't have known, I explained he had known!!! seriously!!

why, why, why!!

still he said the work could happen and that he would send me an email confirming that.... but guess what... yes I am still waiting for said email so do I let my builder know or not!!

Journaling

2008-10-19T20:53:00.002+01:00

So here we are – my attempt at trying to write 200 words a day for my journal is starting right here and now...

Journaling has been something I have done spasmodically, there was a year when I journaled almost every day and it was a good thing to do – however there were reasons for my doing that. I was needing to work through things in my head, and journaling was the only way to do that!

Without something going on in my head I don’t see the reason for journaling which is why it is going to be a struggle. However I really want to learn more and understand more about my subject and practical theology...

I also want to know the sorts of questions I need to be learning to ask, as at the moment I know I don’t - that is my big concern...

DTP

2008-10-18T19:57:00.002+01:00

So I have just been on my first residential for the Doctorate in Practical Theology. I am tired but it is a good tired I think! I am still unsure how much I know especially after the lecture and questions being asked last night, but my hope is that I will get there sooner rather than later! To do that means being disciplined in using my reading day to the best of my ability!

one of the last things we had to do was to write for 6 minutes about the past two days and if I am on the blog it is not usually a problem to even start, but it took me a couple of minutes to even start with paper and pen! Once I had started it was ok and interestingly I had just written the word exhilarated and had to leave it at that....

So exhilarated is sort of how I felt then, and I hope the 'passion' stays for the next 5-6 years, my problem is I want to get it done NOW!! I know full well it can't be done yet, but that is my concern that the passion keeps strong and that I can do it all.

Literature review, journalling, publishable article, research proposal and then the actual thesis..... oh my word so much!!

one to one!

2008-10-07T08:22:00.002+01:00

I am going to start a group called 'No more one on one!! I have huge problems with students who insist on saying one on one - it is one TO one!! Think about it folk- one ON one....or one TO one- face to face is one to one NOT one ON one!!

please stop using Americanisms and hear what you are saying! I know it is a bit of a little thing to get wound up about, but I have got wound up especially when I hear and see youth workers using this terminology. It really is not good practice to be doing one ON one's!!!!!!!!!!!!!

floods

2008-09-05T22:41:00.002+01:00

well if you read this please remember myself and two daughters in your prayers if you pray as we have been flooded for the 3rd time since 2005! The other times we have had to move out for three months while the work was done - but we really can't do it again - there is too much disruption to do that with Nikki going back to Uni, and everything I need to be doing in the next few weeks!

We need to think of ways round moving out but still getting the work done!

We then need to somehow dig down 12 inches in the patio area, too costly for me to pay someone, too hard for us to do it ourselves....so a working party is needed or a windfall!! and the latter won't be happening so a working party is needed!! after the rain has stopped!!

Greenbelt 2008 is finished

2008-08-26T21:30:00.003+01:00

so rain, sun, wind and clouds is the weather we had at Greenbelt this year, but it didn't stop good conversations, lots of laughter and fun with friends and family happening. This year camping in a caravan was wonderful apart from the rain pouring down on sat night, but it had been beautiful for Sarah and Joel's wedding and for Greenbelt during the day. This year camping with us were Steve & Lorraine, James & Katie, James & Georgie, Linda & Louise, Alastair, Kirsty and some of their friends. Andi and Hannah were also camping with us and then Fidge, Steve, Brian, Fie, Fiona, Jane, Nickie, Sam, Joe, Dave came and went at different times of the day and evening. Mark, Ian, Jen and Nigel also appeared occasionally to share drink and coversations.

didn't get to anything apart from the communion service and there I am in the photo!!! and the Big Sing but that seems to be pretty 'normal' for me the past few years, shame, but that is life I guess

I think the biggest concern for me is surrounding the youth matters area and lack of youth seminars for youth workers. This is the first year it was not a good experience for the area as it was too close to an area where there were dancers, 'keep fit', salsa etc and so any 'seminars' that happened were not really able to be heard by the 'punters'. Youth workers who come to Greenbelt are not necessarily the sort to go to Youth Work the Conference although there are always folk who will go to both. However there is nothing else really where they could get some support and tlc esp from some traditions.

Something needs to be done and so a way forward needs to be found.... watch this space

Greenbelt

2008-08-20T20:59:00.002+01:00

We are off to Greenbelt in the morning and I really can't wait!! Every year the annual pilgrimage takes place and for me it is a really important part of my year. This year will be slightly different as I am going to a wedding on the saturday of one of my 'former' students. It will also be different as the communion service will be in the afternoon so no rushing to get sandwiches made, people up etc.

Greenbelt can challenge, frustrate, cheer me up, tire me out like no other event can which is why I make it a priority.

The highlights for me are usually the big sing, communion service and chatting to people who come to the youth resources stall.

This year I just hope it doesn't rain too much but if it does that it happens at night so people don't get too soaked. Unlike in 1993? when I was absolutely soaked as were the tents sleeping bags and everything else. I was still getting mud out of my clothes after they had been washed three times!!

what has become of me?!!

2008-08-17T21:30:00.002+01:00

well today I went to a different church as I did last week and it was different - as I expected it to be. But what a contrast between the two! One hardly anyone there, the other quite full. One full of energy and life, the other a little energy and little life! One eucharistic, the other family summer service!

It was 'easy' to worship in one, but not the other, and strangely (for me) it was the nearly empty that was easier. I realised this morning that what I had needed was a Eucharist - or Communion service this morning - can't say why - but I felt a little cheated almost that I had not been able to share in bread and wine.

Next week it will be Greenbelt communion which will be totally different again with thousands of people sharing bread and wine with each other - people who are strangers, friends, of different traditions, but all able to be together and re-member the last supper. Awesome!

random thoughts from an article!

2008-08-10T08:44:00.004+01:00

Reading through the blogs I regularly go through I came across this interesting article from Johnand it took me right back to a time when I was a student at St Martins in Lancaster, now called University of Cumbria! Ironic given the article! However when I was a student I went to Edinburgh to go to the Gorgie Dalry community association as it was founded on Frierian principles and I wanted to look into it more. When I arrived having chatted for a bit the person I was talking to asked me if I was proud of being English - to which I hesitated and then said 'actually not really'. He then said they were trying to make people proud of their heritage and of being from Scotland.

that conversation - as you can tell - has stayed with me and every now and then it comes back to me and I think a bit more about why I wasn't particularly proud of being English or even a 'lancashire lass'! Not many people associate me with being from Lancashire - partly because my accent is not a strong lancastrian one- in fact I have worked quite hard to get rid of the flat vowels associated with lancashire - simply because I don't particularly like the sound. But going back to the article that started my thoughts - I suddenly realised I was proud in some respects of coming from Lancashire as I suddenly had quite strong feeling about Lancashire being slowly eroded as a county.

In some ways it also ties in with some of my reading and thoughts on being a Christian and training for the ministry and with some conversations I was having in Holland with Phil. He is reading Eckhart Tolle at the moment who is the person who is teaching a new way of living, but it is based on an amalgam of different religious teaching - almost like hedging his bets. It is often the way with disillusioned Christians who have left the church who still want to believe in 'God' but because of things going wrong in their lives, in their Church, can't believe in the God they were taught about. Eddie Gibbs in his book Leadership Next talks about people who come to faith, but that is it - there is no moving on into discipleship for them, and then when things go wrong or they dislike something they move away. If leaders stop thinking about numbers and go for discipleship this might stop happening - people need to own their faith for themselves - it is not something that can be 'assumed' or 'passed down' through families or going to Church. This is where growth has to happen, not in bums on pews, but through real change, real discipleship, so the church becomes people again and not buildings.

Be my everything

2008-08-05T08:56:00.002+01:00

Just been getting sidetracked in reading blogs and came upon this blog and nearly at the bottom I came upon this song I haven't sung in a very long time - be my everything listen to this. It made me reflect for a while on how as Christians of every tradition God longs to be in everything we do and speak. This past week (see previous blog) has been a hard week for quite a few people and in my opinion God was not present in the way some people dealt with other people.

We heard about the present presence one day in a 'sermon' and I think this is what the song is talking about - about God (presence) being present in all our thinking, doing, speaking, feeling and about allowing His presence to be priority for our lives.

When we 'allow' His presence to be priority, our agenda ought to diminish, but too often we let our agenda (our presence) take over and then our ego is inflated when actually it should be deflating.

When we let our lives be God focused, love should emanate and yet we don't see this - by their love you will know them - see how these Christians love one another - I count myself in this - when do I show love for the people I have problems with, the co-travellers who rub me up the wrong way, the people who ask stupid questions (in my opinion) but actually they aren't stupid at all!! the people who are scared to voice an opinion in case they are ridiculed... the people who seem to be arrogant but who are probably just hiding feelings of insecurity

what do you think?

summer school

2008-08-03T21:50:00.002+01:00

Well what a week that was! Went to Liverpool for the week to Liverpool Hope for summer school with the ordinands from Chester, Manchester and Liverpool, plus Jennie and Jacqui.

Crosby beach was beautiful - much better than crowded Liverpool - got to chill, chat and theologically reflect about life and God - question where was God in all of this? In His creation, in the laughter and conversations that took place as well as the silence...

Sunday went to Kirkby to a service at St Chads - which was a beautiful building even though not many people were there due to holidays. It was fascinating to see the baptism afterwards and then to hear about the parish(es) from the clergy and some parishoners.

Monday was a 'classroom' day, tues went to the two cathedrals and Chinese Gospel Church, but I also saw Rich in the evening which was the first time in a year- so that was good. The trip into Liverpool was a bit frustrating as I had been given a very long tour only three weeks previously of the Anglican Cathedral and some of the others know it inside out. I have also had a tour of the Metropolitan one in the past and although not had one of the Chinese Gospel Church by the time we got there I was too tired to take much in unfortunately.

Wed it was a classroom day but I managed to get to see Steve in his last week as chaplain and also Ruth who told me where to get the wig needed for the next day!!

Thurs was again classroom day but also 'panto' night - which was a lot of fun and there was a lot of laughter that evening, and then fri after lunch we came home.

At the end of the week - how do I feel? exhausted, frustrated, sad and disappointed! I did have some good times and loved most of the worship, but I think frustration is the biggest feeling and sadness.

I long for the time when people actually start to really observe what is going on for others, when people will really listen to each other - and I mean actively listen to each other and keep their mouth closed more than they use them. When anyone and everyone is welcomed into the group without conditions, when 'power' is not abused, when cliques are done away with. Love God with every ounce of your being and love your neighbour as yourself!!!!!

loving your neighbours, praying for your enemies!!

2008-07-20T13:21:00.002+01:00

Love God, love your neighbour as you love yourself.... I have been thinking about this just recently with regard to the situation in the Anglican Communion and also something that happened to me on friday.

I have said this numerous times and will continue to say it - that it doesn't matter who the person is we need to love them.... even when it is hard. See how they love one another - is something that was attributed to early christians, could we say it now? Even people within the local church, deanery, diocesan structures don't seem to be able to love their neighbours as they love themselves - or is it a sign of how little they love themselves?

Pride, arrogance, rudeness are NOT what it means to be a follower of Christ, and yet it seems to be too obvious in church these days! If what is happening is not to 'my' liking, if what is said is not what 'I' think or believe then 'I' will be rude, 'I' will let everyone else know how disgruntled 'I' am, because 'I' am right!

Do you love God with your whole being, love your neighbours as you love yourself? Do you pray for your enemies, pray for those who persecute you? Pray for those who think differently from you? Do you agree with everyone in your own family? I don't, but it doesn't mean I will ignore them, stay away from them, not love them (in my own way)!

When are we going to learn that following Christ means loving everyone regardless of who they are, what they do, what they believe and think. That is radical!

grace

2008-07-06T17:32:00.002+01:00

If it wasn't for the Grace and love of God, we would all be in a dreadful place. God in his infinite wisdom and love wants us to be lifted of some of the weights we carry around with us. God also wants (I believe) us to stop talking over the top of each other and start listening to each other, actively listening, not trying to come up with a better argument.

When we feel vulnerable, fearful, in a minority we either want to stand up for ourselves and so therefore speak as loudly and forcibly as we can OR we go quiet and give up. At this moment in time I believe there are groups within the church who have decided to not just talk loudly but argue til their blue in the face that they are right.

The Bible tells us to love God and love our neighbours as we love ourselves and that God is the judge. However as the church there are some who have taken on the role of judge and jury all at the same time. ONLY when we start actively listening to each other and God will His grace begin to show through. But until the groups can be silent long enough to hear other voices properly apart from their own, it can't and won't happen.

what do you think?

a first, a second and a third

2008-07-03T22:21:00.004+01:00

well this evening we had our first family group here since the group split into two, the first communion since we split, and it was Stuart's first communion for us.

I had a second conversation with someone re the course and they want to come on it, so am really pleased about that, as numbers seem to be down this year - but not only for us, others are saying the same. This is the 2nd time I have been nervous about numbers - the first time was in the first year!

A third trip to blackburn to visit Jax took place today. It was really good to see how well she had done and how positive she was, but mainly (for me) how much she had learnt on this placement and how she had grown in confidence, as a youth worker, in her understanding over the past few weeks.

I am pondering over what the community is thinking of doing to the act of prayer now, and MIGHT well be posing questions over the next few weeks... MIGHT not as well knowing me!!

however to start off what do you think of 'As your Living Wisdom taught us, so we pray:' instead of ' As Jesus taught us so we pray'....

Any comments welcomed!!

Motivation

2008-06-25T07:45:00.002+01:00

Just been reading the blog of preacherman and one of the posts was about motivation. I have been wondering about this for a very long time in terms of active participation and congregations. Why do people come to church is one question, why do the keep coming is another, but what actually motivates them to become active participants instead of passive observers is a completely different question.

Chatting to a Church Army captain on the bus the other day he was saying a church he had come from used the S.H.A.P.E. book by Erik Rees, others have used other methods. I guess I am wondering about the movement from head to heart and if that comes naturally or do we need methods to empower people. What happens if it then disappears and why does it disappear - it because we become disillusioned, de-skilled, or de-motivated?

I think I am now motivated by the Love of God for me and others, what has stopped my motivation is the Love of God and the belief that 'Church' has to become a place of positivity instead of negativity. Christians have been long known for what they don't do, don't like, don't believe.... I think we should be known as people of Hope and what we do believe in.... A God who believes in us - as we are - ever changing to become people of hope and not despair, people of love and not hate, people who are on a journey and not who have arrived.

Whatever the reason for you, I am looking for answers as this is something I would like to study in further depth... if anyone wants to comment - please go right ahead!

the 4 R's

2008-06-24T22:09:00.002+01:00

reality, relationships, relevance and reflection. These are four words I think ought to be part of our vocabulary in youth work but also in church.

Reality. If we are not real what are we doing? People can see through fake attitudes and are turned away rather than being turned towards God when we are not being real.

Relationships = between me and God, me and others in my family, others I meet through work, church, my neighbours. All need to be built, maintained and reflected upon on a regular basis.

Relevance - if we are not saying things or doing things that are relevant to our context - what is the point? Again people will not be turned towards God if they cannot connect with what we are saying or doing!

Reflection - this needs to be done often, analytically and theologically to ensure what we think, say and do will be improved for ourselves as well as others. Using others to help us reflect is vital as otherwise it is only 'my' perspective', 'my understanding' and 'my actions'.

ministry/calling/vocation

2008-06-22T20:59:00.002+01:00

so ministry/calling /vocation - what is mine, what is yours? Today I wasn't down on the rota at church for anything, but ended up assisting which was good. I then went down to St Asaph to speak (for three mins) about training for youth workers, then back to church and then home.

I guess everything I did was about my ministry/calling/vocation. I have been assisting in many ways in church for many years and felt for many years that assisting was my ministry. I have been involved in training youth workers since 2001 and feel it is definitely part of my calling and vocation. However now I am an ordinand (part time) which is what I know I have to do now - my calling and vocation and ministry all rolled into one!

The best thing that happened today however is that I arrived at St Asaph, walked into the cathedral and saw three of my former students closely followed by a fourth! All of them doing something at the conference and I didn't know it. It was so fantastic seeing four people who had trained at the Uni on the Christian Youth Work course, standing and presenting with such confidence about their ministry/calling/vocation.

What I long for I guess is that people learn to listen to the call, follow their vocation and practice their ministry! It isn't easy but it is 100% worth it!

reflections after end of semester

2008-06-18T20:24:00.004+01:00

well now that marking etc is out of the way, it is time for final year evaluation and planning for the year ahead. I am really looking forward to the coming academic year as Rich will be back but also because of new ideas which I am looking to implement.

A time for community building across the three years right at the beginning of semester, opportunity for students to go further afield in their 2nd year placement and also for a building on the work we did last year on the new level 3.

It is also a good time for reflecting on my 1st year as an ordinand and how hard I found it to settle into the new church as well as how much I actually enjoy preaching - although it is hard work!

It doesn't matter what church you go to, the more you get to know the church, the more you see the issues coming out and having to be dealt with. It is not easy being a parish priest and yet people seem to think that priests don't do much, but they have to put up with an awful lot of rubbish! This is something I have known about for years and still it surprises me as I guess I tend to be a bit of an optimist when it comes to 'church' or rather hopeful!!

'This beautiful mess' by Rick McKinley and 'The Irresistible Revolution' are two books I am encouraging people to read as they are both talking about kingdom values - in my opinion...this is what I long for... people being aware of others and their needs and trying to meet those needs because of the Love that God has for each of us.

links

2008-05-15T20:11:00.004+01:00

today has been a busy day as they all are at the moment but it was a busy day regarding links in particular.

I started off by getting into the office and having a chat about marking. I then had to go over to practice for the wedding I am singing at tomorrow. The organist is someone who seems to know lots of stuff about organs and also knows one of the students in the dept. 1st link!!

2nd link as we are having coffee and the theological society was meeting tonight and the person lecturing is Prof June Boyce-Tilman someone I know through the Church Colleges' Choir festival.

3rd one I got a letter from someone I knew when I was at college who I haven't heard from for at least 5 years!

4th one links back to the 1st one as our chapel organist phoned me up to make sure he didn't need to be at chapel tonight (we were having an agape service outside) and he said he knew the organist who I was practicing with this morning

5th I had a facebook message asking me to add a friend who I didn't know so I asked him how he had seen my profile and he said through the Core magazine which is what I blogged about the other day!!

6th the guest lecturer came into the dept just before I left for 'chapel' and she has just trained for the anglican ordained ministry which is what I am doing now!!

links?! they are great!!

2008-05-10T20:22:00.002+01:00

So here I am in the middle of marking just raising my head above the pile that doesn't seem to get any smaller just to let you know about the latest Core Magazine that is out and ready to be read by you all

ponderings

2008-05-04T14:10:00.002+01:00

so many things going on at the moment, but the biggest has to be marking - well it is the thing that is foremost in my head!

however other things included going to lunch with Hannah (former student) and others for lunch yesterday for her hen weekend, and thinking about the new academic year.

I want to do a residential for all the three years just for a weekend. This would be a time for the 1st yrs to get to know each other and to do some group work and some thinking outside the box in a safe place. For the 2nd years it would be a time for catching up, chatting about the Big Event and also talking about the worship portfolio!! and the 3rd yrs would hopefully do some mentoring with the 1st & 2nd yrs and we would all eat, relax and worship together. However the thing that I need to work out is where and how!! any answers/suggestions on a post card please !!

in the meantime it is marking...

weekend

2008-04-06T21:25:00.003+01:00

have been away n a residential weekend with a whole bunch of people and the passage that was used most during the weekend was the story of the emmaus rd. Or could it have been called something different as was suggested this morning?

I have always felt there was something quite special about that passage, I think it is because the two people who 'suddenly recognised' Jesus, were ordinary folk - not even disciples - but who would have been confused, frustrated, worried, in denial, given up...etc..., but Jesus appeared to them... Jesus was appearing to people in different setting, not just in the temple, synagogue - in fact not EVEN in the religious places...So why do we expect Jesus to be there now, and why do we expect people to come to the buildings to find Christ, to get to know Christ.

So many people in todays society do not want a relationship with God our creator, redeemer, sustainer, because it doesn't mean anything, there is no hard evidence, so why do we expect them to come into a building that is alien to them - as alien as a betting shop is to me - and start trying to find out about God! Why are we not trying to empower people in ways that are relevant - Jesus came alongside folk in their contexts, do we?

It isn't easy and Christ is not the King who many people thought he was going to be, he was compassionate, fair and just. He also empowered women - who did Christ appear to first? It isn't easy and yet many pretend it is...Is the Christ we worship the Christ of the Gospel or the Christ we want him to be?

words from scandalon by Michael Card...

The seers and the prophets had foretold it long ago
That the long awaited one would make men stumble
But they were looking for a king to conquer and to kill
Who'd have ever thought He'd be so weak and humble

Chorus
He will be the truth that will offend them one and all
A stone that makes men stumble
And a rock that makes them fall
Many will be broken so that He can make them whole
And many will be crushed and lose their own soul
Along the path of life there lies a stubborn Scandalon
And all who come this way must be offended
To some He is a barrier, To others He's the way
For all should know the scandal of believing

Chorus
It seems today the Scandalon offends no one at all
The image we present can be stepped over
Could it be that we are like the others long ago
Will we ever learn that all who come must stumble
Repeat Chorus

mon

2008-03-31T19:29:00.002+01:00

having Dave to come and do a whole day lecturing to my 1st and 2nd years was a seriously good idea!!

Government policy - not the most scintillating session for the first session back after a holiday, but Dave did it really well and I know the 1st yr students got a lot from it. There was a break then and then into supervision and support structures and again the 2nd yrs got a lot from it so thanks to Dave... although how many will actually go and read the 10 yr strategy (all 89? pages!!) who knows!

sad to read in Youthwork mag how many Christian Youth projects/organisations didn't get funding from the DCSF Funding is something that will need to be carefully thought through as quite a few people will be losing their jobs because of the lack of money.

reflection....

2008-03-30T23:04:00.006+01:00

strange how the place you stand- with your back towards the sun or facing the sun shows a completely different feel to the day!! this was taken in the same place just with me facing the sun on one and away from it on the other. Reflecting theologically - if we have our 'face towards God the Son' or 'turn away from God the Son' we 'see' things differently too... at least I do...things look beautiful, but it is lacking something!!

Friday

2008-03-21T21:12:00.002Z

Today was a day of travelling - this morning there were young and old people in church at the good friday 'holiday' club. It was lovely to see both young and old enjoying being in church playing together, listening and watching the story of the last few hours of Jesus' life. Sadness and joy at the same time - and then to see mum who was 88 today. And again sadness and joy - sadness as she is so much older and not well and joy at a life lived well and for God.

then home in time to go to church again for a service of compline - there were only 3 of us and it was a special time although quiet. It made me reflect on how busy we are that for me the day went without really having time to 'simply sit and be with Jesus' at the cross. It was important for me to go and spend time with mum though, and so tonight was good to simply sit for a while in the stillness and reflect....

last week

2008-03-15T12:57:00.002Z

sat was a big success in more than one way! The Big event went so much better than anyone might have guessed after the previous week. Excellent atmosphere, calm, everything was under control, young people really enjoying themselves, youth workers and volunteers getting on with each other. Success!!

It was then founders day (me singing with choir) after a disappointing morning with some students upset over things which meant they needed to put something off! Was I helping them by allowing that to happen or not? As long as they learn from it I think it is OK, and as long as they know it couldn't and wouldn't happen in 'real life' I think that is OK.

Wed I interviewed 6 potential students, and it was a good experience I hope for them all, in starting to get them to think outside their boxes.

Thursday was confirmation and passiontide service in chapel - long service but good and great to see 5 students affirming their faith. and then on to family group where we were tackling how we were going to split our group as it has become too big to function well.

friday - fantastic to see someone wanting to come back onto the course after three years away..things have got sorted out and is ready to come back, always good to see folk who manage to sort their issues out and who want to try again.

long term

2008-03-07T20:28:00.002Z

well yet again I have been a little tardy in keeping up with the blog - but I have been working harder than usual.

tomorrow is the 'Big Event' which the 2nd years are putting on as is the norm. It has been an interesting journey for all of them, and painful for quite a few. I really hope that they get a decent number of young people to it as it has been a long hard slog to this point.

they are almost at the end of their 'professional' course and I will be seeing them in action tomorrow as they work face to face with young people so I am looking forward to it. Workshops and a battle of the bands - will it work or have they tried to do too much, time will tell!

just spoke at a womens world day of prayer this morning - that was interesting in a good way. Haven't been to one for quite a few years, but there was a good crowd from the local churches, but mainly older, where are the younger women? working? but they aren't really in our church either...

Northern Ireland & Christingle

2007-12-16T20:44:00.000Z

So Northern Ireland is still as beautiful as ever, the craic is good, Roughans and Morelli's in Port Stewart gorgeous as well as The Brown Trout Agherdowey. It was a time to 'chill and be' as well as a placement meeting, but that was OK. Could have done with a bit longer there though - so will have to try and go sometime in 2008 for a bit longer.

Got back early so I could go to the Christingle at Church and play and sing. It was the debut of the youth music group and I have to say it was great. People were impressed with the sound and I think everyone had a good time - so that is good.

It's a shame some people weren't there to see and hear the group, but one day they will I hope - it is so important to empower and encourage young people as well as older people. I guess that is why I went into youth work.

one more thing to go...

2007-12-03T13:02:00.000Z

so I have done my 1st preach, led my 1st non-Eucharistic service, assisted at my 1st Eucharistic service and the only thing left to go is leading the all age service!!

This is something I have done a lot of in previous churches so it will be interesting to see if I am as nervous about this as the other things!!

It really is the most bizarre feeling, this being nervous about everything I am doing! Really not sure where it is coming from, apart from as I said in my previous blog it is now official!

assisting at the Eucharist was interesting as I did stuff I haven't done before - which was good as I know what I didn't quite get right and the bits I did get right, for next time. I also know how important it is to trust the other person - had lots of practice in that one and again this is one reason it is good to be at this church as I trust the vicar!

at long last!!

2007-11-23T20:10:00.000Z

some might say oh no, others will no longer have to tell me it is about time I updated my blog!

It has been manic since about 2 weeks into term/semester - we have more students this year on the 1st year, plus 3rd and 2nd yrs on placement, I have three new colleagues to watch over as well!! We then finally moved home after the flood and am still unpacking boxes and trying to find places for everything...plus I was away for two weekends.

I did my first sermon a few weeks ago the day after going to the wedding of one of my former students - the wedding was lovely, wish I could say the same for the experience of doing the sermon!! I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was that morning! I changed clothes about 4 times, and was ready to throw my notes in the bin. However it happened, so hopefully I won't be as bad next time although it is midnight mass!!

this weekend I am leading the evening service and it will be an 'Iona' service so hopefully I will feel more relaxed about doing it as it is 'home'. It is all very different now as it is finally 'official' not something I am doing because I can - as in Chapel and other places. I led an Iona service in chapel this week and it was absolutely fine, but doing it in church just feels so different- even though I have written liturgies and led services all over the country.

long week, old friends and planning

2007-10-12T21:36:00.000+01:00

I have a day off tomorrow and I can hardly believe it!! I am going to meet up with someone I haven't seen since about 1994. Katy used to live next door to us and she got married this year, so it will be lovely to catch up with her...

I have also been 'finding' old friends on facebook as well this week, which is lovely.

It has been a long week though and very busy, too busy to think at some points, however it has been good and I think we are going to have a good year. I think it will be busy and there will be some tweaks to make but on the whole it will be good. The one thing that will be important is that space is made for reading and preparing thoroughly...

Dates for when I will be preaching and leading services went into the diary this week, scary....

why?

2007-10-10T20:27:00.000+01:00

I have been part of the 'church' now for a very long time... different traditions, different places, but it never ceases to amaze me how people treat each other!!

I am not talking positively here, I am talking about how people treat each other with a lack of respect.... I am not talking about people who are well out of order... I know that sometimes the person/people are well out of order and really need to be told that they are out of order. But I guess what I find hard to reconcile with kingdom values is why individuals find it necessary to try to stop the work of God using God as an excuse. - for instance I don't think we should do such and such and I feel God is telling me that is the case.

I also find it hard to reconcile how some individuals seem to think they own the church.... where is the loving attitude that Jesus himself talks about.

I know we are human, but that is no excuse for the way some people behave towards each other, and this is the same in class as in church!!

2007-10-06T19:33:00.000+01:00

the past two weeks have been slightly manic, to say the least!! freshers week with other things going on in the evenings. It was then my birthday, followed by first week of teaching for this academic year...

Today we had a visit day which meant I was in work again, and we interviewed 7 students and had a chat with another 8!! It was lovely to meet so many potential students and their parents and to hear their stories of how they have got to the point where they are coming to see if our course is for them.

I love the process as we get to chat to parents/friends as well as the students and get to hear some of their stories as well.... I guess I am simply passionate about individuals stories and their journey of faith.

sunday

2007-09-09T23:08:00.000+01:00

woke up with start at 8 am, after itching for quite a bit of the night!! thank goodness for daughters, they were brilliant and have been brilliant over the past week when I've been feeling quite dreadful.

managed to actually get to Liverpool with 10 mins to spare and no speeding as Nikki (Learner) was driving..

whistle stop tour of quite a bit of biblical authority,criticism, interpretation today and was left felling quite tired as not only were we in a room with little ventilation, but the session was quite intense.... I was feeling quite tired as well...

knew most of the stuff but it was good to go back over and remembering the stuff that has been somewhere in my brain for the past goodness knows how long!!

saturday

2007-09-08T21:18:00.000+01:00

so at 2.30 this morning I was running a bath to try to stop itching so I could go to sleep to cope with teaching sessions this afternoon.... well I managed to sleep for 4 hours before waking up, so I decided to call the Dr and am now rattling!! I have to take about 16 tablets a day for the next 5 days!!

I managed to get to the afternoon session which was good as I met a few more folk from the course including those who will be on the same night as myself. Slightly gutted at missing the ceilidh as I haven't been to one for at least 5 yrs!!

One more session tomorrow morning but it is first thing so I'm hoping I will be more with it than I have been in the mornings since this rash/infection started!!

This has been my sacrifice this week and also my offering that has cost me quite a bit in energy....

here we go....

2007-09-08T12:19:00.000+01:00

well yesterday evening I started my training course to become a non-stipendiary minister in the church of England...

I haven't been well over the past week and so I only went for the 'teaching session' which was enough.... I am going back this afternoon for another session, having missed one this morning as I am not taking that module.

It feels good to be starting after all the journeying...just want to feel better, no itching and my proper temperature would help!!

too long!!

2007-07-01T08:56:00.000+01:00

it's been too long since I was last on here!!Facebook has become a slight addiction!!

The last time I blogged I was about to go on my selection conference.... I was recommended for training to become a Non Stipendiary Minister in the Church of England, starting in Sept. So much has happened since then, the academic year has come to an end, Rich is about to go on annual leave for a year, I am looking for a new church...(although I think I have found it!!)

It is my last evening service at St Paul's tonight and I have been thinking about what it is I want to leave with the congregation there. And I think it is about choices.... we all have choices to make in life, and yesterday I was at an ordination service where a friend of mine had made his choice to do what God wants him to do. But there are many people for whom that sort of choice is too hard, because it might mean leaving something that is precious behind, or giving up something - like the rich young ruler. However I believe that perhaps we might find something even more precious if we do follow where God is leading.

I was also aware of choices when I was in Antrim for a conference the other day... and we were talking about advice.... as youth workers we are not in the business of advising... we try to empower young people to make informed decisions about their choices, and yet if someone really wants to know what I advise what do I say.... My experience might be able to help them in their decision, but it has to be their decision in the end.... I long for the young people I meet to make the 'right decision' regarding God, but at the end of the day I can only 'signpost them and live my life the best way to do that and then leave them in the hands of God... it is so hard sometimes!!

I will follow

2007-04-15T20:40:00.000+01:00

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You copyright Tim Hughes

I went to a different church tonight just for a change and as I'm thinking about the selection conference next week 23- 25th and this song says it all really... it isn't about what I want or would like but what it is God is guiding me to do... It isn't about what I want any longer, although there are still lots of things there, but what God wants me to do, and I think finding out what God has in store for me is the thing I want to know and do most of all - underneath it all, but it is scary

old age

2007-03-19T07:30:00.000Z

as I hadn't seen my mum for about 8 weeks I thought I would go up and make her sunday lunch for mothering sunday. I was in for a bit of a shock!. I know she is 'old' but she has changed so much in 8 weeks. She also knows it and doesn't like it as she has always been so independent and now she is needing much more help.

Speaking to my sister who lives nearest her afterwards, it became apparent that there is much I haven't known about and Hazel is having to cope with a lot really and I'm now wondering if there is anything I can do - even though I live 1 1/2 hours away.

It is quite sad seeing someone you love become old, someone you have always known as your parent starting to need 'parenting' and you start to prepare yourself for the inevitable and yet how can you... you start thinking of everything that person might miss out on, and then you start wanting to hang on, just like she is wanting to hang on to what she knows and loves.

today

2007-03-06T21:54:00.000Z

its been a funny day, talking to students about all sorts of things, singing at the founders day service, chatting to staff and others at the lunch after. Then going and finishing off selection papers, and then chatting to so many people this evening on the phone about services that are coming up, frustrations with communications and then a friend chatting about what is going on her world, and then another friend on the phone all while trying to think about assembly tomorrow and all age service on sunday. No wonder my head is hurting!!

I think yesterday made me think a lot about stuff, as is the case when someone you know dies, it puts things into perspective and I guess that my priorities have changed over the years and my understanding of friendship is very different to what it used to be. I also know that my understanding of a lot of things is very different to even a few years ago, so that now where once I was quite fundamental in a lot of things, I am much more liberal. Christ met people where they were, he didn't insist they became like him, but that they loved God, and that they turned away from doing things that harmed them and others....

confused

2007-03-05T17:22:00.000Z

sometimes there comes a point in your life, when you have had enough of something. You are left with options, 1)say nothing, do nothing 2) say or do something, and risk losing that something 3) don't say or do anything, and get yourself frustrated becasue you haven't said or done anything!!

so I have to make a choice... and at this moment in time I'm confused as this particular situation happens quite frequently, and I don't usually do anything about it, this time, I'm tempted to say something....

We were looking at bits of the sermon on the mount over the weekend in two separate places, and my challenge to those who were there, was 'how can you make a difference in your part of God's world at shcool, work, with your friends, church/youth group and at home'. I am trying to work through how I'm going to make a difference in this situation...

hooray... 'tis over for another semester!!

2007-02-17T19:36:00.000Z

Well yesterday was the end of a really busy semester and I was so pleased to have come out of it the other end still in one piece that I went to get my hair done this morning and to catch up with someone I hadn't seen for a year or so.

It was great to catch up with Jo, and to see how well she was looking and how things have changed so much in a year, for both of us.

The hair is looking good... as always - thanks Chris!!

However back to work.... finished the marking and the assessment board went ok, the revalidation documents are all in and I have almost finished the papers for selection conference. It is so hard filling out forms about yourself, as everything is subjective.... how can you be objective about something that means so much and how can you be objectve about yourslf anyway.

I have tried, and we will just have to see what happens, I can't be anyone other than me and I wouldn't want to be... I quite like who I have become and I know that God loves me, so what more can I want...

oh dear...

2007-02-08T08:30:00.000Z

This morning I actually managed to listen to Thought for the day on Radio 4. It was Giles Fraser and he was talking about his Gran who has now died, but who in her last years suffered from dementia. He was suggesting that perhaps she became the person she mght have been had she been allowed to be the real her. It made me wonder as I often do, what might have happened if ..... If I'd made more of an effort at school, if my dad hadn't left us when I was a young child, if I had made more of an effort with trying to get to grips with music theory (any theory really!!) I'm glad I'm doing what I'm doing - don't get me wrong, I love teaching youth work, BUT I do soemtimes feel as if there is more to life than this..... I got the same feeling after catering for quite a few years, and went to college to get a degree and post grad and now look at me....

I don't think it is the case of the grass is greener, just a feeling there is more for me to do, and I always get like this after going to Ireland, and this feeling has been there since I went over a few weeks ago. I didn't get it after being in Canada, I don't get it after going to Iona, but only when I go to the emerald isle. Maybe it's because I get to think and reflect more when I'm there... who knows?

One thing I think - is that I want to be where God wants me to be, (most of the time) but its discerning that place and time isn't it....

Snow....

2007-02-06T09:40:00.000Z

well what a surprise this morning - snow!! it would have to be today wouldn't it.... it is Nikki's first driving lesson!!

it looked so beautiful and then I went out to try and clear the car, I got cold, wet, and so did the inside of the car!! there was so much of the stuff and it was going everywhere!!

A bit like other stuff we consider 'beautiful' - it makes us happy for a little bit, while we are enjoying it but as soon as 'reality hits us it makes us miserable...

On sunday evening in the evening praise service we were looking at 4 characters in the Bible - Martha, the paralysed man who was let down through the roof, the rich young ruler and the woman at the well... all of whom had thier lives changed by Jesus in one way or another.... I asked the congregation who they would like to have met and why, most of them said the paralysed man, but one said the rich young ruler and one said Martha, another said afterwards they would like to have met Mary to find out how she resisted all that was going on around her... me too!! The rich young ruler though - was someone who was told to do something that was hard for him to do, he liked the look of Jesus and everything that wa going on around him, but... I wonder how his story panned out... did he do it in the end or was the cost too great? did he become a lonely man or did he find the friendship of Jesus too hard to resist?

spirituality

2007-02-02T17:38:00.000Z

Spirituality is not an easy thing to define.... one of our former students sent us an email once (hi Su)asking what spirituality was, for somehing she was doing. Today Robert and I were looking at a new module we will be teaching in the coming year and saying spirituality needed to be in there.

2 books were written in the last 2 years about spirituality, one by Phil Rankin and the other by writers from CYM in Cambridge. The thing about asking young people about spirituality is that it can all depend on the person asking, the type of day the young person has had etc. It is also having an awareness of what spirituality is for the young person, - can they articulate what it is.... For me it is many things, but mainly about seeing God in the day to day. Can and do we see God in creation? Something I was challenging the young people about in the confirmation class the other day. What about the everyday mundane work tasks, washing up, music, art etc. It is being aware I am a spiritual person, that is made in the image of God, of which part is the Holy Spirit, who enables me to see God in all things.... or at least try to see God in all things....

I went to Canada in the summer and the sights were spectacular, the Giants causeway and Staffa are awesome.... Beaches on Iona are amazing becasue on one beach it is white shingle and clear water, another beach is white sand with some stones/pebbles, another is pebbles/stones... Creator God made all this and it is awesome.... I also love trees in autumn when they are changing colours.... tiny baby hands and feet, every single one of us is unique.... Making the everyday spiritual... do we?

confirmation classes

2007-01-31T21:08:00.000Z

well just got back from the first confirmation class of the year - 8 young people who seem to want to be confirmed..... they all said they believe in God which is better than last years lot on the first day.

I wonder though how many want to do it for themselves? or is it the parents or is they just want to take the bread and wine at the eucharist - like their friends... this is a dilemma that many peple find themselves in is it pressure or is there a longing for more of God in their lives?

Do I show God in my life in the way I accompany them on their journey? do other adults around them help or hinder? Are we welcoming to our children and young people like Jesus was or do we want to turn them away because they aren't as 'holy', or well behaved, or dressed smart, or.....as we would like them to be?

cool day

2007-01-29T20:06:00.000Z

interesting day today - I spent the day at the Light project observing the teaching and chatting to various folk.

started off with worship which was a real joy to start the week - loking at Eph 1: 1-3. Patience was the thing our small group looked at.... and it challenged me to think about how we want stuff yesterday instead of waiting until we can afford it...another thing it triggered off for me was again the heart of the gospel.....

A song I heard in Ireland and have been singing ever since is Search me, know me, Lord....Create in me a heart thats clean, conquer the power of secret shame....very often we have things we hide from friends and family, but God loves us with such unconditional love that there is complete acceptance of who we are right now, never mind yesterday or tomorrow. That secret shame can lead to us doing all sorts of things to keep it from those who care for us, but there can never be true healing or openness if we hide away...

there is someone I know at the moment who is not wanting to face up to stuff going on in her life, but until she does, no-one can help her move on. It's a bit like for a lot of us I think, hiding this bit away from that group, something else from another group, and yet what we need to do is love ourselves....yes I know easier said than done!! but we need to try

my all

2007-01-28T21:48:00.000Z

I am no longer my own but yours.Your will, not mine,be done in all things,wherever you may place me, in all that I do and in all that I may endure; when there is work for me and when there is none; when I am troubled and when I am at peace. Your will be done when I am valued and when I am disregarded; when I find fulfilment and when it is lacking; when I have all things, and when I have nothing.I willingly offer all I have and am to serve you, as and where you choose

this is taken from the methodist covenant service, and I think this is something that is a hard thing to pray, but something that is our goal.... I don't always want to do what God wants because it might not suit me to do whatever it is...however I know I need to do what he wants me to. The journey thus far of my going for ordination has been a long sometimes painful one, and I am still uncertain of what will happen but that is ok, (most of the time).... I am offering myself to God and waiting for the answer.

here we are again

2007-01-28T12:46:00.000Z

So, this morning went to church and although it was lovely to see everyone, I was rather thinking of last sunday..... but I am here and if there is anything I don't like it is when someone is not 'present' even though they might be sitting next to me... so I made myself 'be'

the first reading was from 1 Cor 13 all about love.... and the second was about Simeon and Anna. Two old people who had been faithful all their lives to God and the worship of God, and at the end of their time, God becomes present in human form, come to bring the Gospel of love.

Loving isn't always easy, because of past experiences, because we are scared, because we don't like to be out of control, but at the end of the day the commandments Jesus left are to love God, and love our neighbours as we love ourselves.... yes I know I keep saying it, well perhaps that is because it is at the heart of the gospel...in my opinion!!

Velvet Elvis and Blue like Jazz

2007-01-25T13:57:00.000Z

Finished velvet elvis last night and there was so much in there that resonates with me, about how I am, what I do and why I do stuff. Perhaps not as much now as it used to be, but I think that is because I take responsibility for my own actions, and want to do what God wants me to rather than what I want to do. That is hard sometimes but at the end of the day it is important to me....

the day before I finished blue like jazz, which is another awesome book, telling the stories from one persons life... People don't like it when new perspectives are written about, or a new understanding, and can be quite cruel in thier critique, however if it is someones experience of God for them, how dare we undervalue or criticise it.... It might not be our experience but it is none the less valid isn't it?

Ireland

2007-01-24T16:45:00.000Z

so I went to Ireland this weekend, for a break, and it was a fantastic weekend away. Went into Belfast on the friday evening when I got there and had a lovely meal out. Then went onto Tiny's for the evening calling in at Basil and Noreens on the way for a cuppa. Some cool conversations in Tiny's and then 'home' to Neville's. Gorgeous house, didn't expect anything else really, and then in the morning went to Springhill for a walk before going back for lunch and then on to Port Stewart in the afternoon. Louise came for a meal on the evening which was great as I haven't seen her for 3 yrs. In the morning it was church with a slight difference. People didn't want to go home....

All that was a preamble to what is coming!!

Neville spoke about belonging and it is hard to feel you belong sometimes due to all sorts of reasons. What I found refereshing was that Neville was saying to go out into the world instead of staying in the church, to be with those on the edges of society or church, to be like Jesus instead of the pharisees. 10 out of 5!!!

When is the church going to wake up and realise that the church is not meeting the needs of the people outside - because we don't know what it is like to be outside. Who are our friends? who do we get on with do we have any non-christian friends or are they all insiders?

Don Miller has written 'blue like Jazz' which is a must read for anyone struggling with 'christians' or christianity, he speaks so much sense! It also made me want to cry as I recognised myself in there a lot!! Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell is also in my opinion an essential read, however there are others who would dispute my opinion - which is fine, go ahead. I believe that these two guys as well as a whole lot more people are trying to engage people 'out there' with Jesus, not the sanitised Jesus we get preached at us, not the meek and mild Jesus of the christmas carols, but the real Jesus who kept company with the outcasts and strangers - those people who are our neighbours, but who we ignore. Jesus said the two greatest commandments are to Love God with every ounce of our being, and to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. But do we love ourselves, or do we continually pile on the guilt and the rubbish and feel that we aren't good enough? I certainly did it for quite a while...

youth ministry

2006-12-06T19:34:00.001Z

I have been asked to come up with some answers to questions re the state of youth ministry.....

main issues struggling with are.... lack of understanding of youth work and youth ministry by many people involved in working with young people in the church. not enough long term funding, funding in general, a lack of professionalism in some circles- e.g. volunteers have always done youth work and that is who the chuch expects to do youth work, why is this OK when they wouldn't send their children/young people to teachers, dr's, nurses, etc who aren't trained and were only doing it in thir spare time. Decent supervision for youth leaders. Lack of good English resources both academic and curriculum based, for the wide range of church traditions in this country. Lack of young people engaging with God. main issues responding to are.... some people seeing the need for professionalism in youth ministry/work and making sure it happens not just for the sake of young people but also for the worker. Some good training events being put on, Core Comptencies being written for those working with young people on behalf of the Church of England (I have to say that since I was part of the group that put them together!!) I think it needs to change.... by starting where young people are at instead of where we want them to.... by working with each other across boundaries that churches put in the way, by networking instead of competing, and by going back to basics that God wants us to Love God with every fibre of our being, and to love our neighbours (be they next door, next street, next county,next country, different faith or none) as we love ourselves. And that for some youth workers will mean they need to take time out for them and for their relationship with God to grow and develop. To start thinking outside of their 'church tradition as well is important - in other words not assuming anything....and to challenge each other in our understanding of God, to move, grow and develop in all aspects of our lives....

I've got a Shed!!!!

2006-11-13T15:07:00.000Z

I have finally got a garden shed, which was very kindly put up for us by David who is the dad on one of my former students Fie.... (hey Fie) Katie and I helped but we wouldn't have done it as well as he did!!. I am really excited by this shed as it means we now have a place to put everything out of the way, so bikes, paint, lawnmower, strimmer, wood etc etc, etc are all out of the house and in the shed, giving me loads of space in my house again hooray!!sad I know!!!

clearing out stuff is really beneficial as I have been finding out recently, as we had a big clearout of stuff, shredded loads of paper, threw out loads of 'stuff' which means not only is the house tidier but so is my head!!

first week over

2006-10-08T15:04:00.000+01:00

ok so it feels like it has been the busiest first week teaching that I have had.... not so much the teaching but just really busy trying to sort all sort of issues out and doing loads of things.
It was my birthday on Mon so went to Lancaster to visit mum and one of my sisters and family. Tuesday me and my girls went out for a meal. Wed I was in Bangor in the afternoon -more about that at another time maybe-, thursday I was in Warrington after chapel for a service and presentation of certificates for the first cohort of Church Colleges' Certificate in Christian Youth Work students. Fri eve I was at home and then sat worked all day and sun all age harvest festival which was manic but good.... they learnt a new song written by Ian White taught by me, and it was good - well I think it was!! and now about to go and have a cup of tea and a rest before youth group tonight!!

we interviewed 8 yesterday, and one really touched my heart as I think this person is really passionate about youth work, but think the family need to understand the passion as well... so we will pray and see what hapens. We had some really good candidates yesterday and it was a good day, just tiring....

What I love to see are potential students talking about youth work and watching the passion for this work shining through their nerves!! that is what we want to see.... a capacious heart for God and a capacious heart for young people - thanks Bishop Jack for the lovely word!!!

new academic year about to start

2006-09-21T17:50:00.000+01:00

on sunday the freshers start pouring into Chester to start their university degrees and diplomas. for many it will be a fantastic learning opportunity while for others they will see it as way to get away from home and live the student life....

my youngest starts at Chester on sunday too, but she is living at home, so no worries there then!!

seriously though, I guess after lecturing for four years my prayer for all the students in the youth work course is that they find the right way for their futures, and that it is done without too much alcohol, tobacco etc. The course is getting better every year and we want the students to gain the most out of it that they can.... to become excellent youth work practitioners is the aim for most of them I hope, but it can only be done by them not us.....

cohesion?

2006-09-21T09:03:00.000+01:00

the thesaurus says the definition for cohesion is unity and pulling together... I have been thinking about this since last friday when I was at a meeting of DYO's discussing the core competencies for those working with young people on behalf of the C of E. Here were a group of folk working together to discuss how they could use 'equipping' in their dioceses. and it was good. I then went to another meeting where they were discussing a different course and it felt different, almost as if there was a lack of direction.

At the moment there are a lot of people putting on training for volunteers and youth workers, all trying to equip these people and all working in different groups. Some are pro qualifications and others are anti qualifications. I think everyone deserves some piece of paper if they have done training but whether it is an actual vocational certificate or a certificate to say they are competent at a certain level is up to the person who is doing the training.

What I think is needed is some cohesion, some working together to enable and empower the volunteers to do the best they can, with the limited resources they will have. Most of the volunteers will not be thinking of going into youth work as a career, but they want help at a basic level with the youth group they either volunteer or in some instances run.

I know I am biased as I have been working on the core competencies with one of the National Youth Advisers, Yvonne Criddle and some of the Diocesan Youth Officers but I think it will prove useful across the denominations, if folk give it a try and don't dismiss it before they have had a proper look at it. I'm not saying it is perfect, but it is a document that says here are the things we think are important for people working with young people.... if you want to do more training afterwards great, if not, great!!

post greenbelt

2006-09-04T13:16:00.000+01:00

so..... greenbelt an oasis? this year it was very different for me, as I didn't even get to the tiny tea tent....I did meet up with friends but not for as long as I would have liked and certainly didn't get to see some folk I would have liked to...

The sunday morning communion service, for me, was excellent apart from a rap!! the taize service on the sat seemed to go well, even though I suddenly had to get up and start conducting the final chant!! there are things I would have done differently but that is always the way.

the big sing as always was fantastic and it was back in the grandstand which works so well....

camping was OK, and the food seemed to go down well, the only down side was that not everyone could get to eat with us.

been mulling over the weekend and trying to work out how I didn't see as much or do as much and I can only think that it was because of spending too much time shopping, cooking and organising stuff....

I am wondering next year of just being a punter instead of working, but knowing me I will end up doing something, but if I do work it will be on a limited basis, so I can get to seminars and gigs.

finished.... but is it?

2006-08-20T22:33:00.000+01:00

well I finally finished the dissertation on thursday morning, but that afternoon I started thinking there were other things I could and maybe should have said... but I had no more words left anyway!!What has struck me though is how little is actually thought of youth work training when it comes to training for ministry, and yet how much the youth work field has to offer the ordained ministry if only people would recognise it. Listening skills, people skills, management of volunteers, coping with management groups(PCC's etc.) curriculum planning, education in less formal ways, an understanding of and willingness to put into practice anti oppressive practice, participation, equality of opportunity and empowerment. It isn't about the power that the worker has, but how they are going to enable their 'clients' (congregation?) to become empowered to live their lives as christians in the 21st century

and so on to the next thing Greenbelt...that happens this week, I leave here on wed morning and won't be back until late mon eve or maybe tues lunchtime.... all depends when everyone else is leaving and who will be able to help me take the trailer tent down!! mind you I've got to get it up first!!

It will be good having our own stand from the Uni this year, instead of going in with the youth resources, and looking forward to working with the students who are coming to work on the stand...

also looking forward to catching up with friends old and making new ones maybe... it is a real oasis although tiring!!

emerging church and the youth work 4 key aspects

2006-07-12T21:49:00.000+01:00

I started writing my dissertation today, well not actually started as I did that a while ago, but trying to get my head round what I need to put in and how I need to put it together.

I am hoping to look at Sanctus1 in Manchester and Somewhere else in Liverpool and how they are doing church but also linking in how the key aspects of youth work are also about the same things and how the two - emerging church and the key aspects - might have something to say to those people involved in working with young people in the church and also outwith the church.

Education (informal), empowerment, equality of opportunity and participation are the key aspects and from what I have seen and done in the two 'churches' this is what is happening there. There are many young people who want to follow Christ and some might want to if they coudl see the Christ of the Gospels and not the Christ who makes people feel guilty, unloved and unforgiven, which is often what christians portray as their understanding of Christ.

I was in a meeting yesterday evening where there were approx 15 adults, only one or two younger than me, and the lack of understanding of the gospel was apalling. What I read in the gospel is of the Son of God getting stuck into life in Israel at that time, being with the poor and marginalised and not really taking much notice of the institutional temple rites and rituals except when it mattered. The people in the room yesterday hardly mentioned God in any context except when using the name of God as a swear word and this was in a church meeting.

is this the sort of christianity that I want to introduce young people to? I think not and this is why I personally think the emerging church has a lot to offer young people. Those involved in these churches are at least committed to trying to follow Christ in todays society and trying to understand what it actually means to be a disciple in the 21st century, rather than simply going to church because it is what has always been done.

trees

2006-07-11T16:50:00.000+01:00

these trees were amazing!! there were quite a few of them around the place, but these were so cool, I just had to take a photo of them. This is how they grow!!

east sooke provincial park

2006-07-11T16:48:00.000+01:00

view from east sooke Provincial park looking over to America

view

2006-07-11T16:36:00.000+01:00

what a view to wake up to every morning.... well I did for 4 days last week while in Canada....staying with a friend and former student of mine

2006-07-11T10:14:00.000+01:00

Canadian Rockies via plane. Was so wowed by the sight from the plane window!!!

big event

2006-06-04T21:51:00.000+01:00

yesterday was the big event for my students.... they had worked together for a year to put on this event and they called the event Do you Fit? it was for young people and for them to see where they can fit into the world today whether christian or not.

38 young people turned up, and had a great time, but obviously the students would have liked more there.... I had interesting conversations with some of them and it was fascinating (as always) to see those whose awareness is high and those whose awareness is lacking... it will be interesting to read their reflections!!

group work is always fascinating to observe and to see those who work well and those who don't. I was intrigued to hear that some had (in some ways) taken their toys home to play with because things weren't going the way they wanted it to go...however at the end of the day the young people had a good time, and hopefully the students will have learnt so much from the whole module!!

who knows why

2006-05-31T08:53:00.000+01:00

sitting here at my computer eating strawberries for breakfast.... yum yum!! the past few mornings I have been sitting at a table surrounded by about 29 other people in a dining room in sheffield having done the cursillo weekend. On the whole it was good, I just don't understand why some people are not open to new experiences... well I do, but not in this case. This person wasn't a participant either.

the participants were - on the whole a fantastic group, and we laughed a lot.... thanks in particular to Janet, Morag, Fiona, Louise and Rosie!!! they were the laughter makers!!

most of the team were fantastic too, I wanted to kidnap two of them, another one I would have over here all the time anyway. It just frustrates me when this weekend is for the participants not the team although the team do get lots out of it. It is a time when the love of God is shown through practical ways and it actually allows some people to feel loved for the first time in a long time, which is awesome.

why are we as christians so prickly and convinced that our way is the right way...

first day back

2006-05-02T18:44:00.001+01:00

10 out of 18 students turned up for their first day back afte Easter! Some had sent their apologies which is great, but the others are in for a shock!! This is not the attitude I expect from people training for youth work. It won't happen again if I have anything to do with it!!

This whole area of professionalism is something both Rich and me stress time after time, after time.....however when I see the what goes on in churches and youth centres it doesn't surprise me that my students start picking up bad habits!!

I am going to carry on thinking about this whole area and perhaps you could comment on what you have experienced.

Godincidences

2006-05-01T08:13:00.000+01:00

Over the past week, I have been privileged to meet lots of people but two stand out in particular. Last sunday I went to Sanctus1 as a spur of the moment thing, and was really glad I went with the 'voice' telling me I should go as I met Olive Drane. Ben told me I 'needed' to talk with her as she had done some work on Sanctus. To cut a long story short I met chatted with her on the Sunday and then met up on the Mon, and it was a real blessing. Olive - thankyou!

Then on Sat I went over to Sheffield for a training day for Cursillo, stayed over with my friend Ian and sang in his church yesterday morning. -I love leading worship in new places where the congregation are not used to Wild Goose stuff or anything contemporary! Anyway, again to cut a long story short I met another lovely person yesterday called Rosie who has a real heart for the people of that area, but more importantly she loves God and it shows... It isn't about her being holier than thou, or about being 'religious' but even after everything that life can throw at you, she still loves God passionately. Wow!

I didn't get to Glasgow for Holy City, which leaves me with a bit of a problem, but I was so tired that I came off the motorway at Lancaster popped in to see my mum and then went home. That now leaves me with trying to work out how I interview individuals for my dissertation. I will be able to do it, but it would have been good to go to Holy City to introduce myself first.

gardening!!

2006-04-22T23:03:00.000+01:00

so I ordered a skip this morning to get rid of a load of rubbish thatbhad been sitting in the garden since a man had chopped down some dead trees that had been strangled to death by a very voracious weed. Don't ask me what it was called, but it was more virulent than anyhting I have ever seen.

we then lifted some more of the flags and put a pile of bricks ready for someone from freecycle to come and take them away for us.

two things came to mind... one is that we need to be so careful of what is in our garden both real and spiritual. We had to have so much chopped down becasue the weed had literally strangled the life out of the trees, and the same can be true of our spiritual lives. What are weeds that are causing me to not be able to breathe properly? plus, as always, how good it feels when clutter and rubbish go and there is a clear space to be able to do new things. I am planning all sorts in the garden, but couldn't do any of it, until the rubbish went. But nor could I do anything with what we had in the garden because of the weed choking life out...

It is also a great thing to be able to recycle stuff, and so freecycle is one of the best places to go, at least it will all be put to use by people who want it.